So I hopped out of the shower this morning (metaphorically of course, because that would be dangerous 2 weeks out from surgery), after writing in my head what I thought I would post today, hoping it would telepathically appear in type before I forgot the whole dam blog. Well I am head strong, but as you can imagine, not that head strong yet…..no quantum physics happening or astral projection or telepathy to be conquered yet. Which I guess brings me to a point I want to touch on later but first……
I made myself a coffee in a mug a friend gave me “Today is the start of something new” after my all clear prognosis. Thanks Amy (and btw thanks to those who know me and gave me succulents that can’t be killed ie Lauren & Jo O’toole – too kind). Any way poor Amy felt bad after I told her, only half way through the treatment and still a long way to go and my real celebration will be when I have my new rack, but that doesn’t mean you don’t celebrate every wonderful day, and the mug is right, today and every day is the start of something new. Take today for example, I have (if you look real close) a shadow of some eyebrows! and a millimetre of eyelashes – it’s been 6 months since I’ve seen them so I’m celebrating! And you cannot deny the all clear is definitely worth celebrating – you think that would make the rest of the treatment redundant, but apparently not. Even my 20 year + post hematologist was thrilled when I emailed him the news and he replied along with a lovely message about a friend of his going through the same treatment and coming out the other side looking and feeling fabulous. I mean I really have had the most wonderful doctors in the world.
Which kind of brings me back around to my first point, well not really, but keep following and you may see the connection. I don’t think it would surprise my close friends to hear I think I may be a Buddhist. Besides the obvious beliefs that resonate with me, don’t hurt or kill innocent creatures great or small for no reason, live in the moment, don’t dwell on the past or the future, surround yourself with love, self appreciation, meditation, positive thinking yadehadeya…..it turns out I have even more of an affiliation than I realised, the more I read the more I assimilate with the core of Buddhism.
Now don’t go all judgy on me and say, but you eat meat and kill flys, until you really understand what being a Buddhist is all about. And at the height of that it is really above all else using our minds to be the best we can be, the healthiest, the kindest, the most fulfilled, being LOVE and creating an ore for others to be the same. Even a Buddhist monk will tell you to eat meat if you are iron deficient, but don’t kill any animal for the thrill of the hunt. He will say kill a mouse if it has infested your house because your intention is to stop spread of disease, but don’t kill a mouse because you find them icky. Same with 2 flys humping on my kitchen bench. Okay I fist pumped yesterday cause I double dipped, but I did not take pleasure in the actual killing, just the fact they won’t leave rotting poo on my lunch.
So a Buddhist will say it’s all about intention, and for the record I still believe in God too so figure that one out. But God gave us freedom of thought and will, and Buddhism tells us to use that freedom of thought and will for improving ourselves. Our brain has the power to do whatever we want, to travel by astrol projection, the quantum physics of atom movement, the sixth sense of telepathy and clairvoyance, to heal our selves or better still avoid disease altogether with the intention of thought. I mean the possibilities are endless, but very few master this. Very few also master inner peace. And that is what Buddhism is all about in a nut shell, finding that inner peace so you can reach enlightenment – or in a Christians view Heaven. The thing I love about Buddhism is there is no rule book on how to get there, some human being telling us what they think God want’s us to do to get there. Buddhism really is just plain old common sense and logic. Easy, peasy Taiwanese.
I read a Buddhist teaching recently:
“If there is a remedy when trouble strikes,
What reason is there for despondency?
And if the is no help for it,
What is the use of being sad?”
Wise words indeed. If you can fix it, then fix it, but don’t lay awake at night musing over what might be, if only and demising terrible future’s, cause if anything that will only bring demise on sooner – after all, current thoughts create your future right?
It made me think of my approach to my recent challenge. Todd has called it methodical. From the moment I was told by the Radiologist “I’m referring you to a surgeon” I have not skipped a beat. The next day I booked my own surgeon, the following day I saw my GP for a referral, 2 days later I met with the surgeon for preliminary diagnosis, set up for further tests to incur that week, by week 2, I was meeting with the Oncologist who was arranging surgery for the infuser port, I was receiving chemo within the month. I definitely pushed that along. If there was a solution to be had, let’s get on with it, no dilly dally, no procrastination, no futile worrying, just do it – NIKE. Then there were things that couldn’t be controlled like my hyperparathyroidism, so move along, cross that bridge when we come to it.
As I said more Buddhism in me than I ever dared to imagine. And I have to admit, I feel great, I look great, I’m happier than ever before, I’m living, in the moment, every day, loving every experience, feeling every experience.
I had a bit of a miserable day yesterday feeling very sore, by the end of the day I was over it and said to Todd “I’ll just get over this and then I’ll be hit with radiotherapy and more discomfort & pain” . It’s just been relentless and at the same time I only dwell on that on the very rare occasions. So I went to bed thinking, just feel the discomfort, don’t put a judgement on it, and my last thought before drifting off to slumber was ‘nothing lasts forever’. And what do you know, this morning I feel, great, a good sleep, so far no Panadole today and I’m thinking of the discomfort now as more of the feeling you get when you’ve had an intense upper body workout at the gym. I use to love that feeling, I’m going with that.
Happy days xx