Eye of the storm

Calm cool collected and super excited, is how I’m feeling about my up coming major (major as people keep informing me) surgery.

However there is a sneaky, wee bit of anxiety, fear, nerves and trepidation hovering just outside my comfort zone ‘re the impending transformation.

As much as I am a veteran with hospitals, surgeries, procedures, conditions, illness (you should see my rap sheet when completing my admission), this is by far the most serious surgery I have ever had and hopefully ever will.

I am excited about the new me, a chapter closing, a door being shut, turning a corner, transforming, being me again, another lived experience, testing my resiliance, my pain thresh hold, my mind set, my courage.

I am fearful of not waking up, of it all going pear shaped, of a failed end result, of my restricted mobility, of my condelesing for 6 weeks, of an imagined success that is not realistic, of falling back into bad unhealthy eating and exercise habits because I’ll be relying on others for nutrition and movement.

I have just turned a corner with my weight loss and hit some milestones with my new sustainable eating habits and regular activity. I am hopeful I can maintain a level of a low-carb diet while being prepared meals although I know a ham and cheese sandwich is an easy go to for a caretaker in regards to shopping and prep.

I have been told by the surgeon, my GP, my oncologist, the surgery clinic, a nurse from recovery, a surgical porter and hearsay from many who know of someone who has walked this path before me – this is big. This is painful, the surgery is long and complex and the recovery is slow and tedious.

So while I’m feeling the best I have right now in 20 months (pre Mission Australia), I know it’s 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards, which is a little hard to swallow, especially when this is, let’s be real, for aesthetic reasons and in a sense elective! What the actual? WTFW? Am I really doing this?

You bet your arse. Ring the bell, time to step in the mother fucking ring (which is a square), and go another round, gloves off, on the ropes, take the hits, don’t you throw in the towel on me!

Happy days xx

Rambo giving the thumbs up
This could be a cliff hanger.
Rocky knows it ain’t all rainbows and butterflies but if you know what you’re worth go out and get what your worth

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