The ebs and flows of wellness

I’ve been meditating and visualising on and off now, for the best part of 30 years. It occurs to me, when I am consistent and dedicated, things turn out for the best for me.

But its only really the last 2 years I have noticed other benefits. Since my new cancer, the 2nd time round, I have been paying much more attention to consistency and becoming conscious of the unconscious thought. Now when this happens and the thought is doubt or fear or worry, rather than like in the past when I would stop it and reverse it to positivity, I give myself time to acknowledge it, accept it, embrace it – in other words “meditate” it. 

This process helps me get to the deeper reason of why , I might be having the thought and instinctly separate myself from it. The thought does not define me. It is merely a thought.

Now don’t get me wrong. I still believe there is no comfort in the luxury of negative thinking. But there is certainly room to be curious and explore the deeper reasons for why, particularly pessimistic, habitual, negative, self talk that occurs ie ‘I’m hopeless with remembering names’ ‘I have a head like seive’ ‘Of course that would happen’. I’m sure you have your own long standing, negative, self beliefs. You think it so often, you are probably unaware that you think it. What is that thought for you?

Meditation for me takes many forms and I try to do it daily. On my days off it might be a 20 minute guided Deepak Chopra Meditation or a 10 minute Calm app Meditation. On the weekends it’s putting my head phones in on the beach and walking the dog, only thinking about every lyric as I listen to my favourite tunes. And on work days it might be simply 5 deep breaths on the way to and from work or even at the gym focussing only on the activity at hand. Some may call this mindfulness. The label doesn’t matter, it’s simply about taking a break from the mind chatter. You may even take your own breaks from mine chatter and not be aware you do it.

My point being, in the last six months I have achieved things which I never thought possible and in my reflection, I’m largely attributing this to my mindfulness and attention, helped along with meditation my way.

I’ve drastically reduced my coffee, so much easier than I ever thought possible, reduced my alcohol, started a new and rewarding job, returned to the gym, maintained a reasonably healthy weight range (still a work in progress), authenticity love the skin I’m in and most recently beaten a head cold in 4 days which traditionally would take me 3 weeks. Of course its a ripple affect isn’t it?. Less toxins, better diet, more activity is going to knock a cold on it’s head but could I have done the physical work without the mental preparedness?

However, in the last few days doubt has burdened me again. Doubt I will ever make a career out of my passion. Doubt I’m a good friend, wife daughter, person (there a no doubts in my mind I’m a good mother – as its the one area in my life I don’t use comparison to measure myself – weird hey?). So with that, back to the meditation hard core I go, and low and behold it occurs to me, I’m measuring my worth on external influences and perceived expectations, rather than my newly formed habits, and retrained brain’s, internal beliefs.

There is no danger in learning ‘The Art Of Not Giving A Fuck’ and letting go of the uncontrollables as author Mark Manson painstakingly writes about how. (This is a must read). It is what it is certainly works in those circumstances. About others and about uncontrollable circumstances. But I refuse to believe I am what I am today, will be the same as I am tomorrow. I can change. As Mark alludes to, put your energy into shit you do give a fuck about. I give a fuck about myself and what legacy I will leave and therefore every day is a new possibility for growth and improvement, a new challenge, a new way to prove to myself, I am worthy.

So early in the week I was considering engaging some more personal life coaching, but decided to take to it myself. Doing my potential business an injustice here, but that’s the thing. We are all capable to listen, challenge, and ask ourselves the hard questions. All we need to do is still the mind. Give our selves permission to have an authentic chat about the things we give a fuck about, and really listen.

Happy days xx

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