Sent: 30th September
Funniest thing happened to Dash after the gym today. Well not funny for poor Dash at the time, but you’ll see the funny side.
I had to get a new umbrella cause all of mine are broken, so saw some out cheap at Target at the entrance. Was looking at all the difference sizes and colours and picked up an attractive hot pink one – well Dash being Dash wanted to check out any new toys for Justin Bieber fans and I was going to tap her on the head with the umbrella and say not today goose– I swear. You know how they are all up tight in their little sleeves (the umbrella, that is). So I turned and went to tap her and my thumb hit the auto release button and it pumped out right into her eye!
It shocked us both so much she fell to the ground screaming and I couldn’t stop laughing (I nearly wet my pants) she stays lying on the ground yelling ‘am I bleeding, am I bleeding?’. Remember we are at the FRONT of the store. The store greeter comes up to us and says to Dash “is mummy beating you up?”, I can’t contain myself – I have to run for the nearest toilet.
She’s got a black eye this arvo.
It’s a public holiday Monday, so we decided Friday night to do Monday brunch at Exeter in Semaphore. A lovely metropolitan beach in the north west suburbs. Well technically Zo and Troy decided and told Luke. Oh well details shmetails. Before our table’s ready we take a stroll on the jetty. The kids and men are up ahead watching the fisherman.
“So, how good was your time in City to Bay. Only 2 minutes apart, he got ya in that sprint at the end hey?”
“Not happy, I’ll never live that down at the gym!”
“What’d you guys talk about in the fifty five minutes?” I try to control the edginess in my voice.
“Hard to talk in a race Jay” she says, at which point Troy returns and hears the tail end of our conversation.
“Babe, I can’t talk to Zoggs at the best of times when we’re running, let alone in a race, she’s a freaking machine” He winks at Zo, as he says it.
I know we banter all the time but lately I feel Zoe and Troy are taking it too far. Or is it that Zoe is overcompensating for her moods by uncharacteristically flirting with Troy. I don’t know but that wink is just too much for me today. Oh hold in…..is it Troy flirting with Zo? I don’t know, I’m so confused, but I do know I’m uncomfortable. I mean in these jeans. They are so fricken tight, and my muffin is sticking out the top….how am I going to fit any food in for brunch? All I know is liquid is required right now, cause it’s five o’clock somewhere in the world, and thank god City to Bay training is finished.
“Speaking of freaks, Jay, you should’ve seen the guy we saw in the race. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night, he had clothes on and farm boots like he’d been clubbing all night, but the impressive thing was, he was doing it easy, he raced past us near Kmart and if he kept that pace he would’ve done it in forty to forty five minutes easy”.
“Yeah Troy told me about him”, I feel obliged to inform her we talk you know
Luke and the kids then join us and we stroll down to the pub, where we have secured a prime outside table, part sun / part shade – for girls & boys respectively, right near the kids play area. As fast as Australia changes Prime Ministers, the kids ditch their shoes and are off into the kids playground. We take our seats and consider our beverage selection.
Zo orders a Coriole Chenic Blanc, causing me to raise my eyebrows quizzically at her. She assures me she just feels like a refreshing white to start…..another strange act. She would normally drink a Rockford Alicante Bouchet if she wanted refreshing! Troy and Luke get beers and I get a glass of afore mentioned Alicante and order a bottle of Grant Burge Hillcot Merlot for us to share. We peruse the menu, fight to get the kids’ attention long enough to select a meal, it’s fish’n’chips for Harry and pasta marinara for Dash (expensive taste, don’t I know it). Us girls order salt’n’pepper calamari salad and some chips to share and a side of spicy garlic Aioli, and the guys opt for steak – great, extra chips for us! All sorted. As we relax into our chairs, Harry comes storming over.
“Mum mum, someone’s teasing Dash”
“Well just ignore them and keep playing”
“They won’t let us on the slide”
At this point Dash comes running over, not crying as expected, but she’s puffed.
“Having fun?” I ask
“Yep, totally” she giggles
“Harry said you were getting teased”
“What? Where?” She put her hands on her hips and stands resolute and staunch. “Show me where they are Harry and I’ll fix ‘em,” Harry looks a bit sheepish and says,
“Nah it’s okay I think they’re gone now”
“Great, cool, lets get back on then” she screams in delight and they run off together.
Harry has a habit of attributing things of menace to Dash as opposed to telling the entire truth, like the time they both had a sleep over at Harry’s Nanna’s. The next day he said Dash had broken his I-pad, but when I questioned Dash on her own she admitted she’d take the blame so Uncle Luke didn’t get real mad at him. But what really happened is, he’d dropped his blanket over the I-pad and later on when he’d forgotten, he not only stepped on the rug, but also on the I-pad underneath the rug and cracked it. Nanna also agreed it would be best if Luke didn’t know the truth, according to Dash. Harry also has a habit of leaving things behind, everywhere, then getting hysterical when he realizes what he’s done. I’m thinking autism spectrum but would never dare say to Dr Zo.
Mostly it’s Zo and I chatting constantly, we occasionally pause to drink, so the boys get a chance to interject on occasion, well lots of occasions actually, because we take lots of sips. We can always find something to talk about, despite several hundred texts during the week, and our intermittent catch ups at the gym. We talk about our respective training sessions with Jed, how ripped he looked this week, I comment that his abs looked bigger than Dash’s future, at which Luke rolls his eyes, and Troy spits out his beer from a snort of amusement.
“Good one Jay Jay”
I giggle at my own wit. I’m witty, I’ll give myself that. Suddenly we’re reminiscing about our teenage years, when out of left field I hear myself asking,
“Do you and Troy ever talk about the week you went out together, all those years ago?
“Jay, that was twenty years ago for a week at most if you’re lucky, so no it doesn’t even rate a mention. To be perfectly honest I’ve thought of Troy as a brother for years, I mean he’s your husband for God’s sake, plus I never got over that black cardigan!!”
We all chuckle at this. It’s correct, I did hate Troy’s black cardy too. To be perfectly honest once he kissed me he couldn’t turn back or resist my charm. There was once an infamous teenage drunken party where I was innocently kissing a boy called Ben (Troy’s friend) and Zo was kissing Troy and one of the boys said “half time, change sides”, so we did (twice). Zo claims she could taste my cigarette breath on both boys!! In secret, both boys kept wanting to change sides, because I was rated the better kisser while Zo was rated the better taster.
“Well you two do still have a lot of common interests”, I continue, I’m starting to enjoy watching them both squirm in front of Luke. “Running, footy, similar taste in music”, simultaneously they both retort
“Zoggs is too much of an obsessive neat freak”
“Troy is far too much of a slob for me”
I laugh it off, now I think Luke is getting pissed. To be perfectly frank I have noticed Zo’s OCD traits more lately, coincidently coinciding with her emotional swings? For instance, last week at her house, she licked her finger and blotted every single crumb up, which I’d dropped on her floor. And then proceeded to step outside and spray all the poor ants with fly spray, saying ‘they were bugging her’ (pardon the pun). My inner Buddhist nearly reincarnated right then and there. I mean what did they ever do to her? I believe her med friends call her Monica!
Our meals arrive and we pour four reds, and call the kids over.
“It’s not volkingcano Dash”
“It is. I heard it on the news when it interupted”
“Erupted you idiot and for the hundredth time Dash, it’s volcano!” Harry yells as they get to the table. He might be autistic but he’s also a genius. They give each other the silent treatment during the rest of the meal and start listening to the adult conversation.
“If we talk at all during runs it’s mainly about you Jay, admittedly sometimes the funny stories. I defend your latest necessary purchases, I got your back babe. ” I have already admitted I enjoy retail therapy, bordering on mild addiction, and am renowned for justifying purchases to Troy if not pre-approved. Like a job interview, or a gym party, or a new yoga class added to the time table and I need yoga pants, or new boxing gloves, weight gloves, sunglasses, handbag, must have shoes, because when they’re in my size five, I must have them……..you get the drift. Troy smirks at ‘pre-approval’, as he mumbles when I spend money, but he also gets a free Lay Back Larry. Win / Win really.
In an attempt to lighten the mood, I tell the boys about Zoe’s leg warmer faux pas at the gym. I wear hot pants and leg warmers with the intent for which they are purposed to do….warm the legs. Once I’ve done my warm up the leg warmers are removed (sometimes for laughs I turn it into a mini strip show, especially for seventy year old Gary, he finds it humorous). Any way Zo asked if the theme was eighties this week at the gym. I told her I’ve been going to the gym like this for 7 years, how could she not know I wear leg warmers? Seriously sometimes I have to wonder?
“Well”, she defends herself, “they had been having themes for Friday morning pump, I thought you looked like Olivia Newton John!!”
“They’re trendy Zo, get with the program, plus they keep my legs warm! Other cool chicks are wearing them now too, I’m such a trend setter”
“Yeah you think you are, okay okay. I get it now, you know I rely on you as my style icon!”
We finish our mains and pour out equally, what’s left of the red. We decide that didn’t leave much so the boys tip their share into our respective glasses. The kids have since disappeared, so Harry and Dash are coerced to re-join us with the promise of ice cream, and we get the dessert menu.
Zo and I exclaim in delighted unison “there’s a cheese platter” so while Luke gets sticky date pudding, and Troy an apple pie, us girls devour a lovely selection of Australian cheddar, triple Brie and some mild Blue vein with delish Lavosh.
All is well, you can’t beat Wine and Cheese on Friday, or Monday or any day really!!